Thoughts by Miko

Learning to Listen

2009-12-13T22:47:00.000Z

This is a subject I’ve been circling around for a while now. I never really knew how to express it and maybe I’m still not fully able to, however I’m going to go ahead and relay what is on my mind at this moment. First you need to understand what listening is to me. It is not so much hearing the words that is uttered it is hearing what is underneath the words, the feelings. You hear what a person is really feeling and that makes everything so much more real. I’m not talking about you being able to verbalise what the other person is feeling but you can tune into it and connect more deeply through that. And that really sounds like a powerful thing in a relationship.

I’ve written about creative mindsets and how all you need to be creative is already inside you and how you never need to look outside yourself to be creative. The essence of it is really more like being really present and just let it flow. Whatever you are doing, don’t force it or try to control it just let be what will be.

When you do this whatever is inside is given free reign and you connect with a part of yourself you often keep hidden with being in your head, having a dialog or thinking about something that is not relevant for this moment.

Listening is much like this process, however it is essentially not like you are creating anything it’s more in the sense of letting what presents itself be. Not running from it, not fleeing just staying with it. A friend told me about a small exercise that is brilliant for really feeling how it is to listen to yourself and someone else.

You sit opposite each other and just observe for a minute. Then who ever goes first will simply state an observation about the other person i.e. you seem relaxed or you look like you are feeling x feeling. It’s not that important only be real and truthful.

In this exercise you learn to tune into your own and your partners feelings by slowly moving into the moment and thus into yourself and your partner alike.

When you get better and better at this you will see how suddenly feelings appear in your body and you know that they did not originate from you. You may realise instantly that they come from whomever you are interacting with.

You will be able to feel when your partner is upset or not feeling up to par. You will be able to connect and accommodate the feelings in a very natural way. To your partner this may seem a bit scary at first but also very comforting. A side note; as a man it is not always your job to comfort, therefore scary or uncomfortable is not something you should fear, embrace it and learn it because it speaks to your core as a man.

I myself have come a long way these past 3 years. I didn’t really get it at all. There is a specific reason you do not get it. It’s simply because you do not connect with your own emotions. You may be scared of them or you only embrace some of them, however they are all a part of you, so you need to own them.

Often it can be hard to stay with a feeling. This is an example I have repeatedly experienced. I’d see a girl. I’d find her incredibly attractive and I would feel myself gravitate towards her. Then suddenly the feeling would turn to nervousness because I would think about going up and start a conversation with her.

I carried around all this static on my emotions. Static that prevented me from feeling many emotions fully. Once I started addressing this with some meditation, approaching tons of people and gathering social experience and consciously staying with the feeling, I really started to listen. I really feel what other people feel and I often recognise where is originates from.

Yes you can call this intuition but realise this, whatever name you give it, it will still be the same thing. Learn to listen by letting whatever happens happen. Do not try to force anything. Do not go into your head and try to come up with the next thing to say when you are talking to a person, all this will happen on its own. You just have to be there and listen.

Offering Value

2009-06-02T14:06:00.002+01:00

I’m in a really really good mood today. Yesterday was full of emotions; now that this is resolved it’s back to giving and sharing again. I have so many things I want to share with you guys, and by the way I really appreciate whoever takes the time to read what I write. Well I can’t share everything with you today, so I guess I’ll just express from whatever state I’m in right now. Since I’m in a giving mood I will write about offering value.

This is the second post in the series ‘Principles to live by’.

This is so powerful it’s actually a bit silly. If you implement this principle or way of life you will see so much improvement in everything. It is part of being positive and which is literally one of the most attractive qualities in a person. They are fun to be around and don’t drag you down with negative nonsense such as ‘I really don’t like the X in my life right now’ or ‘I really don’t want to do X today’. We are all victims of this kind of venting, but to what extend and frequency does it happen. Recognize if you often spout negative nonsense about things that you have attracted into your life. It’s not productive and it is holding everyone back.

Offering value is about offering you to people, not in a physical sense… Mostly. It’s more about showing who you are and expressing yourself. Offering the value that you as a person inherently posses. Read this that last sentence again. It’s so important. You as a person have tremendous amount of value just because you are you. If this fully clicks in your head you will feel so much freer.

The process of believing that you intrinsically have value is not just an internal thing. Obviously nothing is just one thing there will always be the yin yang principle in play. The way for you to fully realize and exercise the internal value that you have and are is by always expressing it outwardly. Whatever feelings you have express them. The more you do this the more you will come to see the power that comes from expressing yourself freely and how other people will enjoy it as well. You will allow yourself to drop the façade and by extension other people will do the same. Sometimes you will find yourself expressing negativity, however this to be accepted and valued as much as the positive.

Okay it’s still a little vague. An example would be flirting. You offer value through flirting because you joke around and have a good time, but on a deeper level the value is identified as emotions. The key is to generate good emotions. Offer help to someone who might need it. Sometimes I think of a person and suddenly feel a lot of love towards that person, instead of cutting it off and focusing on something else I welcome it and feel it as deeply as I can. Then I often send a text message saying I care or love that person. It feels good to me because I get pleasure out of giving, but you can be sure it feels probably even better for the person to be acknowledged and loved. I don’t expect anything back. Often it’s reciprocated sometimes it’s not. It doesn’t matter. You just send good vibes out into the world. Everyone around you will feel that you are giving and want to be around you.

Imagine going up to a stranger and asking for 500£ and then imagine going up to a stranger offering 500£. It’s obvious which is easier and what you would like to do. Giving and offering something is always easier and it evokes more positive emotions.

You believe that you do not need anything from people but still appreciate when they offer you something just because it makes you feel good and you know they will feel good by extension. Never deny a person the opportunity to give something to you, you’ll deny them the same pleasure you get from it. Ponder this mindset and recognize the inherent power it possesses.

The thing about this mindset is that a mindset is a very fundamental belief. Maybe you have it or have parts of this integrated, maybe you find yourself taking from time to time. I’m talking about a deep shift in your consciousness that results in seeing things completely different, not just seeing something and then realizing that seeing it from this point of view would be ‘better’. It’s about acting through the value offering perspective from the start not even noticing the taking perspective.

Acceptance

2009-05-25T11:54:00.007+01:00

‘Judge and you shall be judged’

This is an article in the series ‘principles to live by’, also I really appreciate the people who take time to read this and maybe even comment, it warms my heart.

There are probably various ways you might want to look upon acceptance. It could be something like accepting that your loved one is a certain way or it could be simply granting someone the opportunity to do something someone might like. Either way it all comes down to the exact same thing, the mindset of acceptance. The ability to simply let someone pursue or do whatever he would like without even thinking that in some way he should be doing it another way or maybe not do it at all.

It’s in our nature to control; we like to control things around us. We like to control other people so they acknowledge our wishes and starts behaving according to our needs. You can try to say that you are not like this, but the reality of it is that it’s virtually impossible to deny nature. You are wired to want to accommodate your wants and needs. This process happens all the time, hardly ever consciously.

We like to compare everything, make it into a competition of sorts. You have a certain way of seeing things, and if something contradicts that view you rationalise until you can spin it so that either they operate through the same channels as you or they are doing it the wrong way. We all want to maintain our view on the world and not change it too often. The mind has a tendency to want to stay where it’s comfortable and you do not get challenged all the time.

One of the things I really dislike and gets me really angry is when people judge me. I really do not appreciate it when people judge me according to their own standards. They think that what I do is not right because they have another representation of the world. Obviously I, myself do the same thing to other people. Limitations are based around the same principle. It acts through the need to control and when you try to control something you are judging it because you do not accept the way it is.

Something that really resonates with me is the saying ‘restrictions breed resentment’. It seems hard to fully understand why people need to restrict their surroundings and not let whatever happens happen. Obviously you need to apply common sense, I’m not talking about the law or such overarching restrictions it’s more in the sense of people disapproving of other peoples choices. My notion is that this kind of restrictions, disapproval, judgment etc. is a sign of insecurity. People are insecure about whether or not they are doing the right thing themselves and so they pass judgment in order to prove that the other person is not doing the right thing.

‘The Ability to Let That Which Does Not Matter Truly Slide’

Instead of operating this way I suggest acceptance. You let go of the feeling that you have to do everything the right way and start to accept the fact that you are human and by nature faulty. Also just because someone is doing something you cannot relate to it does not make his actions wrong. Accept that whatever happens, it probably is for the better and whether or not the person makes a mistake it has nothing to do with you and that person will probably learn from it.

Really try to grasp the concept of just accepting a person for who they are. A lot of people complain or does not understand why people often make up a facade and hide the real them. It could be anyone, maybe the geek who fights in the woods every weekend with his buddies to see who will win the imaginary fair ladies heart. Why would this guy make a facade when he talks to other people, maybe he hides his weekend adventures because he is ashamed. Well no wonder he does not want to share his own self if he gets judged on it. Because he feels judged he does not want to share his real self and he creates a facade. Don’t deny other people the pleasure of acting through who they really are. They will not be able to when you try to restrict them. Don’t judge.

Restrictions are funny in a way. When you restrict other people you aren’t just restricting them but yourself by extension. If you do it to other people they are going to do it to you. However if you stop this nonsense everyone will start opening up and feeling more comfortable around you. Stop restricting.

Another aspect of acceptance is about you not about other people. It’s about accepting whatever comes your way. Whatever happens in your life you should accept it and move on. It has already happened so there isn’t much you can do to change it. In fact there is nothing you can do. I’ve mentioned it before but ‘whatever you resist persist’. Anything you do not let go of will stay in your life and continue to torment you. If you feel someone has wronged you; either you confront the person in a proper manner or you have to let go of it. Nothing can come from replaying the scene in your head. Let go.

From a spiritual point of view the universe always has your best interest at heart so have some faith in the fact that whatever comes your way is a good thing. This again is rooted in ‘the secret’ mentioned several times on this blog. It’s also more than that, it is having faith in the fact that anything that happens in your life is there for a reason and that there are no coincidences. When you fully believe this, you start to see things adding together resulting in opportunities to get what you really want.

This Moment

When you judge or try to control by manipulating your surroundings you lose the only thing you ever really had, this moment. You compare this moment with previous experience or what you think it should be like, doing this cannot be done being present, you retreat into you head and it stops you from being in the moment.

I mention this because acceptance can only happen in this moment. And when you are present and in the moment acceptance happen automatically, you do not think about yesterday or tomorrow and you stop judging and labelling everything. Things will just be things and you see them as good enough because it is not compared to anything.

Be aware of when you are restricting other people or passing judgment where it is neither asked for nor needed. Then change it. When you fully start to accept everything in your life or every part of a person so many things seems to be much easier for you to handle.

Our Generation

2009-05-09T20:18:00.003+01:00

Fuck what other people have to say about me! I just can’t seem to care about it anymore. I do not care about how much money I have in my bank account. The content of my wallet is irrelevant. FUCK it all, I do not need this. It is not essential for my existence. Why even care I ask myself? I have nothing to lose. What do YOU have to lose by letting go.

I respond to my feelings. They come from my core. I’m present and I will be with you here and now. This is not done to get women, I fucking have a woman. I do this because its my core. I am born in a world where mirrors should be my best friend and the window to my feelings. It cannot tell you anything about yourself. What the fuck do I want for myself in this moment. I ask myself this. The answer is obvious. It always is. Just listen the fuck up and fucking respond. Im frustrated because I know what is inside but I haven’t been able to reach it yet.

We are a generation raised by instant gratification and poor judgment. Too much judgment if you ask me. Not enough just being. Facebook me and check my myspace. Maybe then I am cool. Do you look in the mirror and figure that this is probably the best you will ever look again or do you just realize that whatever you do maybe another of this and another of that is not what you need right now. You are not going to live forever. Your body is going to wither away and still you fight it.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I thought i was gonna soften it. It seems i wasnt

Going With Change

2009-04-29T09:21:00.000+01:00

It’s time to write something again. It’s been a long time. Today I’m catering to a friend. A really cool friend, probably one of the most free spirited people I know and mysteriously clever. I’ve recently gotten myself a girlfriend and she really wants to know how I as a free spirited man who loves to meet new women have reconciled with societies definitions of a relationship.

As you may know I’m not really a fan of a lot of the things that a relationship imposes on you. But I will be the first to say that I chose this. It didn’t just happen. It was a choice. It also meant that I had to redefine a lot in my life. I lived a life where I met a lot of women. I saw it as a life style and a really challenging one. Maybe one day I will write about how you can grow immensely through meeting thousands of women, if you take ‘control’ and don’t just fumble around in the dark. I met women with the intention of maybe getting physical with them. That’s over now. It’s not possible. It’s hard to do a 180 but it’s necessary and I accept that. I’m not trying to resist it or go against it since that is not possible.

In a relationship you truly get to see the principle ‘restrictions breed resentment’ in action. I didn’t get in a relationship to solve anything for myself. I chose to do it purely because I think that the girl is really fantastic. I then realized that you really learn things about yourself in a relationship and you get tons of opportunities to grow as a person. I accept restrictions they are there for a reason and as long as the restriction is not built on a foundation of fear then there is no reason to change it, rather just let it evolve on its own. However if it is built on fear, then it’s dangerous it can end up feeling like a win/lose situation for one of the partners and a win/lose will always 100% of the times end up being a lose/lose situation.

The truth is I haven’t found a way yet. I haven’t found a way to balance meeting new people and being in a relationship. But I do know that ‘only nothing ever stays the same’ and that nothing is ever really gone and the universe never wastes anything. This means that meeting new people is transforming, it’s changing into something new, and I’m trying to wrap my head around what that might be. My mind is resisting it, it likes comfort. Thinking about it, it seems to me that the end result is going out meeting new people but with new intentions.

A funny little thing is that once you have learned to walk up to a stranger and tell her that you find her really adorable and trying to maybe get her number, it actually gets harder not to do it. But if you change the intention to purely wanting to get to know who she is as a person you may get to have more real interactions, a more authentic one. Once I fully know what this turn out to be I’ll let you know. In the mean time I hope you can extract some knowledge and apply it to your own life.

Principles to live by

2009-03-24T12:36:00.000Z

I’m having a bit of difficulty figuring out what to write today. I have all these different principles to write about. I’m not fully aware how I’m going to get it all out of my head, but I really do feel like writing now.

This post will be about will be an introduction to a series of posts I’ll make. It contains various mindsets and principles that I strive to integrate in me. Some of them I have done. These are things to follow and things I often reread to readjust my focus and realign myself with the road I know I should walk.

Give value
Be positive
Right Action
Non-resistance
The Secret
Your brain is wired to seek out the headspace you most often find yourself in
Enjoy in myself
Value in myself
Expression not impression
Masculine and feminine polarity
What you fully feel you accept
Acceptance

I’ll make a series describing each of these points in detail. I’ll guide you and show you how to master each of them through some really hard work. Doing this requires a lot of courage. I’m not talking about courage to go to war, but the courage to use your brain in ways you never thought you could. It can be frightening but you’ll never see it that way. Your mind will always look for excuses not to do this.

If you somehow stick to this I promise you that you will be closer to everything you want in your life. Here is a preview of a really simple way to just become more aware, open minded and accepting. For the next 10 days I would like you to reject all negative thoughts. If you think negative about something realise it and cut the thought pattern off and think about something else or you could try and see the positive in the negative you saw before.

Thoughts, Emotions and Your Core

2009-03-20T12:19:00.000Z

Thoughts

This article is written to accommodate a request from a friend. If you, who is reading this have anything you’d like me to expand on, clarify or maybe an entire subject you fancy reading about don’t hesitate to ask.

I’m going to write about how thoughts are dynamic and ever changing and how we should react to them. Thoughts can be dangerous or healthy. Often just the how we view our thoughts is going to matter. Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever thought about what thoughts or view you have on your thoughts in general? I’ve mentioned ‘the secret’ before and having mentioned that, things often tend to be exactly what we think they should be. If you think your thoughts are bad, they are going to be bad. If you assume they define you, they will define you.

This is a very black and white kind of view, which generally does not exist. Sometimes you are going to think the same thing is good for something and bad in another sense. Stop that! They are never bad. They are just nice and pleasant! Then again my view is that thoughts just are. They are neither good nor bad. They just are. Thoughts arise and disappear all the time. They can’t tell you who you are, at least not anymore than a spot on your forehead can.

Think about this for a second. Children have got it right. They come into the world screaming. It’s not because they are unhappy rather they are expressing and emoting from their core. Their essence if you like. The default state of a human being is happiness, nothing more nothing less, just content and fulfilled. Do you feel completely fulfilled and content at this moment? I’m talking about this deep sense of serenity. Children feel it when they are very young. Then they learn something that clouds and distorts the access to this feeling. It’s still there, but it’s hidden under several layers of social conditioning and ego(defences). I’m using this example to show that somewhere in our life we learned something that made it hard for us to connect with our core, our purpose and the deep feeling of happiness.

The things that make us block this out are our thoughts. Actually it’s impossible to access this feeling if you are thinking. You cannot experience this if you are inside your head listening to thoughts. Absence of thoughts brings you closer to happiness, being in the moment is another word for this.

Emotions

We are going to go a bit deeper, because if you think about it, it’s not really your thoughts that cause you this pain. Thoughts are just there, they don’t mean anything unless you want them to. How do you give thoughts meaning? You do it through your feelings. Thoughts get their power through the emotional significance you attach to them. If you react emotionally to your feelings they will start to define you. That means that once again you can choose to take control or run on autopilot. It’s obvious that autopilot is easier, but often not healthy for you. A great example is a kid in kindergarten being told that he was stupid, we was told this by an authoritative figure and therefore he believed it. As he repeats this in his head his thoughts tell him he is stupid and he attached emotional significance to it. The outcome is often relative to how strong the emotional reaction. If it’s really strong we might create a strong identity around it.

If you observe your thoughts and stop engaging them they will disappear and have no significance. They will not matter to you. The more you do this, fewer thoughts will appear and you will get closer you to the core of yourself. A great analogy for this is that a if you throw a rock into a little creek it will generate small waves and stir up mud from the bottom of the creek making it very hard to see what is at the bottom, but after a while the waves disappear and the mud settles and you will be able to see very clearly what is at the bottom.

In the absence of thought you will be able to act through your own core, you will not be clouded or distracted by thoughts telling you something that might not be right. Obviously getting to here is very hard, so if you are not willing to spend a massive amount of time learning not to think I propose another idea. You might even have discarded what you have read so far because it doesn’t seem to make sense to you. That is fine.

Identifying the cause not the message

When you have thoughts and they are persistent be aware of them. You do not have to identify with your thoughts in fact it is better not to. They could be helpful and tell you something about yourself. The mind is just a reflex organ that reacts to you. Learn to identify where the thoughts originate from. A thought is just a reaction to something inside you. Know that the thought is not the destination or the beginning. It’s just there to deliver a message. Look deeper. It is hard to connect to your purpose or core through thoughts but you will get closer to something that is right just for you.

I’ll give an example I just recently experienced. For a while I’d been feeling that continuing my degree and getting a Masters would be redundant for my future job and my plans. I wanted to finish my Bsc and go straight ahead with my plans. I would continually think how great it would be when I was finished in England and could move away. A lot of negative thought patterns and ideas and after a while I started to believe that that was how I actually felt and should do.

I had a long talk with my dad, discussing and talking about this. Eventually I understood. I realised that these thoughts and feelings were rooted in my dissertation, the big finishing project that can be very stressful. To me it was mentally exhausting. The mind provides a solution so that I avoid meeting another stressful thing like that. Not continuing my degree would mean that I wouldn’t have to face another dissertation. Finishing in England and starting my plans would mean that the immediate stress of having to worry and work on this project would disappear for a moment. The mind is simply reacting. It doesn’t provide a sustainable solution but rather a temporary one. I realised this and was able to change the thought patterns. I was able to take action that was more beneficial for me. However they were not necessarily closer to the core of my being.

The Core

I haven’t read a lot about what the core of a person is so here I’ll literally just describe it as how I view and have experienced it myself.

I find that I am happiest when I’m closest to my core. That is when I’m expressing myself through that just myself and not through my ego or illusions. I’d rather not label how this is done, as I find it to highly individual for each person. Some it may be to be physically active or for another it may be to care for someone and be nurturing. It all depends on what kind of person you are, a rule of thumb is; be a man if you’re a man and be a woman if you’re woman. Don’t hide from it, accept that you are who you are and act through that. When you do not, you are acting on behalf of something that is not you. You are not acting through your own intentions and what you really want. It seems truly obvious that acting according to who you are is the best way to express your core and be happier.

I know this may seem a bit vague, but realise this, when you act and operate through your core you'll know. It's so obvious and the feeling that comes with it and even the results from it will be surprising.

Creative Mindset

2009-03-14T11:00:00.000Z

Today I want to talk about being creative. I, myself is one of the least creative people I know, in the traditional sense of the word. I cannot paint, draw or design thing. I really cannot be creative about things like that. Well the truth is that we can all be creative about everything. We are all able to be creative about everything at a level that is probably far beyond our comprehension.

Think about what you are good at, think about what you are good at being creative with. You think you can learn to be creative about something. I find that to be untrue. I find that you can only learn to incorporate new things into the creative process. If you study to be a designer you only learn about external things to incorporate into the design. I don’t really have a lot of insight into the design degree, but I would imagine that you are not thought how to cultivate a creative mindset.

The external factors are handy; they give you a better foundation to express your creativity from. But they are not essential. I write and I really enjoy it. I often get told that the speeches I write are very authentic and good.

The base of creativity is letting go of what you think the outcome of your creativity should be. My best writing comes when I focus on the thing I want to write about and let the words flow through me. I literally try to connect with the thing I’m writing about and feel it. I accept whatever feeling I get and the more I focus on it the closer I get to it.

Doing this you will experience intense emotions and some of the best and most real creations you have ever made. The key to cultivating a creative mindset is being open. Open your heart and feel. Feel what you want to create instead of thinking about it. Thinking is clouding your emotions and confusing. The mind almost never sees the real thing. I guess the key to being creative in all areas of your life is living through your heart.

Fear and Love

2009-03-12T14:36:00.000Z

You can live through two different kinds of forces. You either live through fear or you live through love. It’s probably really clear which one you want to live through however fear is slippery and a tricky little thing.

Have you ever tried thinking you love someone, and so you become afraid of losing them? You want to spend as much time with them as possible, and hoard the good feelings, make them yours and control them. In this pattern you are living through fear. You behavior has its foundation in fear. Think about it! You want as much as you can get because you are afraid it could disappear any minute. You are living through fear of loss.

I propose an alternative way to live. What if you were not afraid of losing that person? Would that mean you did not love them? I don’t think so. I think you can love someone more passionately when you are not afraid of losing them. You can allow yourself to feel all feelings towards that person more intensely because the fear of loss is not holding you back. You don’t have to be afraid of suddenly losing it. You can allow yourself to see things more clearly this way because accept is involved. You accept things for what they are, instead of trying to enforce your own idea of what things are suppose to be. This way you live through love.

It’s probably more powerful than you can imagine because it sends ripples through every area of your life. It affects all parts. If you live through love you will be focusing on love, and ‘whatever you focus on expands’. It’s a simple yet powerful principle of nature, so if you focus on love, real love, love expands to all parts of you.

The tricky part is identifying when you are living through fear and getting from fear to love. Accept is the vessel that will bring you from fear to love. What are you afraid of in your life? And why are you afraid of this thing? Often death will be the immediate answer but go deeper. What makes you fear death? Well you don’t get to live anymore. Well you are afraid of the unknown and afraid of losing what you have. But death is inevitable so you might as well accept it.

Imagine for a second that death really just was a gateway to something more beautiful. Death doesn’t have to be frightening you don’t have to fear it. You don’t have to welcome it before your time, but at the same time know that it’s going to come eventually. There is no point in fearing it.

When you accept everything that enters your life you’ll be able to walk through it with ease because you aren’t trying to resist anything. When you resist something fear it, if you accept it you get to appreciate it for what it is.

Stop trying to control everything. Accept that there is no control. Yes you can control your muscles and movement but you can never control the outcome. You won’t always get what you want but whatever comes your way is a new possibility to get what you want. The funny thing is that even though you didn’t get what you wanted it was still a reflection of what you signaled.

Accept that you cannot find any real answer to anything outside yourself. Whatever little trinket you think you need it’s really rather irrelevant for anything that matters to you. Buy and feel satisfied, but for how long? Then what will you be wanting? Accept that you in yourself are enough for anything that truly matters.

Stop living in fear. Accept that you live in fear. And I’m not talking about knowing that you live in fear, I’m talking about experiencing that you live in fear. Again this is not about challenging the simple fears like a phobia. First be conscious of where you might live through fear. Then be conscious of when you are living in fear then you will be able to change it. The Buddha experienced 2500 years ago that the body was made from atoms that break down and are created millions of times in the blink of an eye. That is what experiencing means.

I want to finish by saying that being afraid to live in fear is still living in fear. Accept it. What the mind fully experiences it lets go of. What you resist persists.

Non-conscious Learning

2009-03-07T10:49:00.000Z

Today I’m not really going to touch on anything seriously profound. Basically I’m just here to hold your hand, act as your dad and tell you to wake the fuck up. Right so on to the main event.

We all go through life seamlessly unaware of how things affect us. It’s pretty standard and probably better that way. Imagine if you were constantly aware of how everything affected you and the long term repercussions of it. That would be pretty exhausting, so I guess nature has done us a favour.

However once in a while it’s very beneficial to stop for a second and look were you compass is pointing and does it correlate with where you want it to point? And this is everything: finances, health, job, family etc. You have to stay on track otherwise you are going to feel less content. So figure out what you want. I cannot stress this enough. So many people do not know what they want out of whatever they do, and they wander aimlessly around trying to find some measure of peace, but it’s not there because you only find it inside yourself, and if you don’t know what it looks like, well it sort of looks like whatever you think it should look like, but make sure you think so it can happen.

Okay so maybe that was a little tangent, and of course finding peace is not that easy. I know this much, it starts with you and ends there as well, and you will not find it externally.

I’m going to tell a little story from my life and how non-conscious learning is very real and is something you should take notice of.

Cathedral of Learning

For almost 2 years I have gone out and met a lot of people, mostly women. I don’t really want to quantify it as it’s irrelevant but it is probably more women than most guys get to meet in their entire life. This has been a blessing in many ways as I’ve gotten a massive insight into human interactions and what drives people to do the things they do. Let’s just sum it up to social dynamics. I’ve learned a great deal about attraction, and one thing I’ve learned is that everything changes. One of the three truths in life is ‘only nothing ever stay the same’. A thing like attraction changes rapidly. I can be created in an instant, literally a second. And it can be taken away just as easily.

Experiencing this exact phenomenon eventually conditioned my mind to apply the same principles in relationships I’d had with women I was attracted to. Not necessarily romantic relationships. This resulted in a behaviour pattern that put a lot more emphasize on little things. I became more of a pleaser, not really supplicating but still I assumed that the attraction could vanish in an instance and the relationship could end instantly. This was the natural conclusion from many of the previous interactions I have had.

Now of course I know logically that this is far from the truth, but my mind doesn’t. It just reacts to whatever stimuli it receives, and then draws from experience to tell me how I should act from then on.

My message today is that you should be aware of what you learn. The mind learns a great deal and often it learns some unhealthy habits. It is your job to take control and teach it the right habits. The mind is a beast and it’s your job to tame it.

There are power in paradoxes. It's only when you tame you mind that you are free.

'The One'

2009-02-25T09:24:00.000Z

Alright guys it’s time to rip you a new one. Everywhere I go I notice the mentality of ‘the one’ being pushed down over our heads. We see it in movies, Hollywood movies especially. The guy is out and all alone, it’s terrible for him how is he ever going to be happy on his own? How will he ever get through the day without feeling a little sad and alone? Wait we have the solution. What if you get a girlfriend or a wife? Then you can certainly be happy. Why wouldn’t you be, you’ll be complete.

In my humble opinion it seems a little off balance. Look at it. We have been taught to believe that this is the right mentality and that we should get a girlfriend. Here self-destruction is advisable. Challenge this belief and unlearn it. After all how can you be with someone when you can’t even stand to be with yourself? Or how is the other person supposed to stand being around you, the real you, when you can’t even do it.

Tell me if you know this scenario either from yourself or your friends. You get a girlfriend, now you are happy. You don’t want to be with anyone else. You don’t want her to be with somebody else. You start to lock yourself in with this girl. You see less and less of your friends. They become secondary. This pattern continues. Your friends get a little mad at you for continually ditching them. You can’t vent this frustration so you start to blame your girlfriend. This is how negative feelings start to seep into your perfect little bubble. From here on it just spirals downwards until someone breaks up and crushes the other.

There are many variations of this scenario but the layout is the same. I recognize it from myself and my friends. It’s so unhealthy and unproductive it scares me that people don’t see it.

I often hear from people, because I don’t have an exclusive girlfriend, ‘Andreas you just haven’t found the right girl yet’. It isn’t, it’s because I choose not to.

Why are you in a relationship right now or why do you want to get into one? These are the questions is ask myself on a frequent basis

1) What would I gain from entering into a relationship at this point in my life and could I not get this without getting into a relationship.

2) Do I really love this girl for who she is rather than an image I have conjured up in my head?

3) Can I get the deep feeling of intimacy and connection with a girl without entering into the relationship?

My point is you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy with yourself. It doesn’t make you complete. Stop searching for something outside of yourself to feel content, centered and complete. The only place you will ever find a way to be in a great and growing and really loving relationship is to find it in yourself first.

I see many great relationships around me. But the facts are that more and more people get divorced and we always knew that many teen relationships end and a lot of pain follows. Just use your common sense and stop to think for a second.

Self-Destruction

2009-02-23T10:32:00.000Z

I’m sitting here at my desk wearing sun glasses, why? Do I want to be like Corey Worthington? No not really. But he reminds me of a cool principle: Self-destruction. How can this lead to a more fulfilling life?

Tyler Durden in ’Fight Club’ by Chuck Palahniunk says ‘self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction….’

Think about this. In the book Tyler is thoroughly bent on changing the world for the better through very unorthodox means. He literally believes that self-DESTRUCTION is the way. I want to translate it into modern times and into something we can actually use without destroying ourselves. A funny thing though is that in the end a lot of the epiphanies and realizations will be the same.

If you haven’t read ‘Fight Club’, go to your public library and pick it up now. If you pay attention your life will not be the same when you are done!

Self-destruction never focused on the destruction as a physical thing. I think of it as you mind being destroyed or more accurately it is being challenged. See we all have a very vivid and clear view of how the world should be. It’s called a map and we actively gather evidence to support it, even our focus is directed towards whatever supports our pre-existing map of reality. That map isn’t necessarily correct but nonetheless it is our view. What happens when this map is challenged? We look away; our brain is geared not to actively respond to it unless it’s showed right into our face.

This whole blog is about things that challenge your view of the world. A lot of it is not accepted by you, you sometimes choose not to read it. Although it would take literally nothing more than 5 minutes to read a post. You mind actively refuses to.

Self-destruction is about challenging our beliefs, about seeing things for what they really are. Are you sure that your belief about what marriage is like is true. Or an even bigger thing, do you believe that you need another person to have a fulfilled life. Probably not, but we never think about it. I say think about it. Don’t walk around in the dark, at least get a flashlight. One of the biggest mistakes I see around me is the mentality of ‘The One’. This will be my next post so stay tuned for more goodies.

Catering to the 'Masses'

2009-02-20T10:49:00.000Z

This is a subject that has been on my mind for a while now. I think writing about it may resolve some of the doubts that I have about it, and hopefully you’ll be inspired to go live the lives you deserve.

By catering to the ‘masses’ I do not mean the content on this blog. I mean the life you are living, is it just a walk in the dark? Or is it well thought out. Neither of these is bad or good.

I mean is your life a life designed by you or society. Of course it can be both. It probably is, both are strong influences but I’m setting it up in absolutes to make you think about it. It works for me that way, as it gets me thinking about whether I express myself through my life or I express something else, both in the grand scheme and the small things.

An example of a life that is designed by society would be a ‘normal’ one. It would be one where you take your degree and you venture into the adult world where you have your job, family and friends as your primary focus. It’s comfortable and rewarding in many ways. It’s a nice life without too many bumps. I’m not trying to make this out to be the ‘bad guy’, because it really is not, however it is a shame you do now use your power and take some form of control. If you were just dropped down on this path and were told to walk it, would you actually consider it of your own making?

A life that isn’t necessarily catering to the ‘masses’ would be one where you really feel what you should do. I know that to a lot of people the thought of running their life based on feelings can be a massively scary feeling. Experience tells you feelings change rapidly. Do you want your life to do that? Probably not. I know I couldn’t live like that. You need a balance between certainty/comfort and uncertainty/surprise. You’ve heard that too much of a good thing is bad and on the other hand you want the good thing.

You have to be responsible. You have to know what you want. How do you figure out what you want? Well you might want chocolate right here and now, but it’s not really what you want in the long run. Again life is about pleasure, momentary and long lasting. Life is about pleasure and pain. A great thing to remember is, know your outcome. Have the information and know the consequences then you will be able to make a responsible decision.

You may want to go travel the world and live out all these crazy dreams. Think about it. How awesome would it be if you were able to do all the things you really wanted to do? All of you dreams could become real if you dared. But at some point you decided that there was more pain than pleasure involved in the process of making it happen. You did not know how the journey and destination would make you feel. I did not live out all my dreams. I decided to go to another country and do my degree. I haven’t regretted doing it, but I haven’t forgotten about my dreams. I’m sure many of them are lost forever because I failed to act. I’ve gotten new ones that I will try to realize.

Catering to the ‘masses’. What life should you choose? A degree is very crucial for a person to make his way in the world and have options. People are under the impression that you need to go a certain route to have a proper life. You need to go to school until you are about 25 years old, and then you get a job and work there. You cannot take out 5-10 years of your life to go do what you want. It doesn’t fit into the model people have for their own lives.

Do what you want! Honestly just be responsible for your choices. You make and shape your own life; it wasn’t a series of random events that carried you to this moment. It was you, no one but you. The sooner you realize this and shed that victim mentality you carry around you’ll feel so much better and more in control. It’s a bit scary but it’s healthier and more beneficial for you.

Know your outcome. Know that if you are going to go travelling around the world carefree and in love with the world for 5 years that you are going to have to put in so much work to get your degree when you are done. You will have altered the wiring of your brain and it’s not real eager or excited about studying. In fact it’ll probably fight you many steps of way until you get back to where it was. Realize your outcome before you take too much action!

Goals, abundance and 'the secret'

2009-02-18T14:12:00.000Z

This post is going to contain a large variety of concepts. Several of these won’t be elaborated on much further than the very mention of them. Ask me to elaborate and I shall gladly take the time to do that for you. This blog is here for both you and me. I’m here to create and be creative while sharing some of the thoughts I have on subjects that have already been explained better and in more detail than I ever could.

I hope you’ll enjoy it!

I think we can all agree that life is pretty tricky. Or it can be fully simple and be nothing more than being born, growing up, living for a bit and then die. I myself like to look a bit deeper and figure out what exactly is going to happen.

Just a side note; this form of chunking can be very effective if you have a task at hand that seems to be too much to handle, too many details. Chunk that shit down and just GO!

Goals

I’m just about to finish my Bsc in psychology. To me it is not a big deal, rather it’s just a means to an end, but then again you have to be able to enjoy the process to fully enjoy anything, while simultaneously having to keep an eye on the price to maintain motivation. It’s easy to get lost on the road to the top of the mountain.

I guess this post is about my life and in extension a bit about shaping your life, the life you want for yourself. First of you have to realise that whatever I write about in this post are things that are true for everyone, all the theory, principles and so forth are in fact true for everyone. So if you want to discard what you read, realise that it is your choice and by your doing, you can improve every area of your life, if you choose to. The principle of CNEI: Constant Never Ending Improvement.

I have several goals in my life, one of which is to make a list of highly defined goals for my life, short as well as long term. Goals are interesting strictly from the way they work. Goals are creations, when you set a goal you actually create something in your life. The goal will manifest itself if you let it, but only if you make it a reality for yourself. If you decide on something and feel strongly enough about it, it will come true.

I want to work in a bar while doing my masters in Denmark, I will not settle for anything less. I expect it to happen. I even have a vision in my head of how it will look. It will be fairly posh, not super high class but enough to have respect around it. Maybe down by the river. I see myself standing flirting with customers and having a good time, creating a great atmosphere and drawing people into the great vibe that is surrounding this bar. I own the bar, not in a literal sense, but I’m there, with a vivid presence, flaunting a peaceful vibe amidst the chaos that is mulling about. People know me because I give them value by my presence. This job is about me being me, being who sculpted me into. I have a passion about it. The manager will see it when I ask him for a job, he will want me to work there, he can sense that I’m an innovator and carry myself with pride.

I fully believe this will happen. With time it’ll be more vivid. I look to report back that my next job is going to be like that. I have faith that it will because it’s my goal and therefore I create it.

The Recession!

Now the recession may seem very important to some and to others it’s really not! Regardless of how you think of it, it has an effect on you. What you feel and what you focus on is what you will bring to your life. This is so simple and so true! If you are to take anything from this article, this would be it. What you signal is what you get!

What has this got to do with the recession, you might ask? Well if you get pummelled into your head time and time again that the world is in bad shape financially you are going to feel it. While it may be true in general, it does not have to apply to you and even better you don't have to accept it as your reality. Why? Because if the whole world didn’t accept that there was no recession then there wouldn’t be any? Yes there would be effects of it, but not to the same extend, people would still be spending money instead of being afraid. This would ultimately cause an increase in the economy and the businesses would still be able to make close to the amount of money they were before.

This is all very loose assumptions that I cannot back up, but they make sense so I’m going to stick to them. Instead of spending your time watching the news seeing how terrible it all is go live your life as you would normally without worrying about this recession. What you focus on and signal is what you attract into your life, if you literally did not know about the recession it would not affect you as much. I myself have gained a lot of many by my standards because of it. And to be brutally honest I have no idea how bad the recession is or the impact it’s actually having, and I make a conscious effort to keep it that way. Sometimes I even spend more money. If I live in abundance, abundance will come to me. Common sense is always needed!

‘The Secret’

One last thing I want to touch on. Try this for me. I need you to tune into yourself. Listen to yourself; listen to your body or soul if you will. Listen to you energy, really focus on this until you feel it. It’s sort of vibrating it’s a constant flow of energy. You can describe it in many words but it will never be fully accurate. Right now mine would be: content, flowing, bright, gloomy, chilled, blue, white, nice, warm etc.

Now try to think about recession and the feeling of people losing their jobs and not having money and the effects of this. Really try! Dark, piercing, fire, roar, stirring, faceless, mad, fear, red etc.

This is what you are signalling and therefore attracting into your life. Be aware of it. You decide what you want for yourself by what you choose to signal and focus on. Your energy determines what you attract. Try to focus on this for 10 days. It’s a good exercise.